Will Valentine’s Day Ruin Your Marriage?

 

I want to wish you a happy and loving Valentines Day with todays article. Make this day a day to remember for yourself and your loved ones. A day to honour the love inside us by showing eachother how much we care.

With Love

Ah, February! Our minds start turning to thoughts of Valentine’s Day.In the middle of winter, romance is suddenly in vogue. The stores are filled with cards, candy, jewelry, and any number of other products touting the opportunity to show your love how you feel.

Are we being set up? Have we bought into the idea of romance so much that we are literally destroying our relationships with expectations? I think we are. In fact, I think we have made a false idol of romance at the expense of true love. We have confused infatuation and erotic love with deep, abiding love that leads to successful marriages.

Let me be clear. I have nothing against romance and romantic gestures. But we have made this the lead, not the result of love. We want to be awash in loving feelings and attraction for our partner. Then we expect those feelings to be the cement, the glue that keeps us together. Hogwash!

I just checked my email. In the last month, I have received 104 pleas for help from people hearing this statement from their spouse, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” The translation is this: “I have a feeling of care for you, but I don’t feel erotic emotions toward you.” The problem is that this statement is a lie on the front end (“I love you”) and a misunderstanding on the back end (“but I’m not in love with you”).

The lie, I’ll get to in a moment. The misunderstanding is this: being “in love” with someone is based on the nurturing of a relationship. It is not some emotion that is at the whims of Cupid shooting an arrow. Too often I hear, “I can’t help how I feel.” True, but people can choose how they act. And that is really the crux of the matter.

Love has been confused in our culture. The ancient Greeks were much more clear. They used three words to talk about love: Eros, Phileo, and Agape. Eros was about attraction (erotic love). Phileo was about friendship. And Agape was about commitment. Our society has segregated these three areas. Interestingly, we all want commitment and acceptance from our lover/spouse (Agape love), but too often want to feel attraction (Eros love) toward our spouse.

In other words, we want that attractive, successful, romantic, loving person to accept us, mistakes, shortcomings, failures, and all. We want what we have a hard time offering.

So what is the lie? Love is a commitment. It is an action verb, based on being loving and doing loving actions toward the other person. It is based on making a choice to love the other. Not for a moment, but for a lifetime.

Brain scans show that people who are “in love” (caught up in the infatuation) have very similar patterns to those who are mentally ill. So being “madly in love” is not just a figure of speech. It is a physical reality.

The problem is that this is unsustainable. The love of infatuation has to temper into a choice to being loving toward another person. I love someone because I choose to act lovingly, not because of the constance of a feeling. That moves the whole possibility from being at the whims of Cupid to having a conscious choice over how I participate in a relationship.

Let me be clear here: I am not opposed to visits of Eros. In fact, I think this is a feeling that is important and necessary in a long-term marriage. But I believe the emotion emerges from acting in loving ways. In other words, when I make romance primary, I am lost when it is gone. When I make love a verb, and action I can choose, the romantic feelings will naturally emerge.

Valentine’s Day is a threat to your relationship when you make the romantic feelings the goal. To paraphrase a commercial: card, $3.50; candy, $20.00; flowers, $50.00. Acting lovingly toward your spouse: Priceless (and free!). When Valentine’s Day rolls around, make it an opportunity to show your love, not a day to judge your erotic feelings.

If you are ready to leave the myths behind and discover the relationship of your dreams, click on the banner below…

He wants you back – How to rebuild the relationship

 

Today the article He wants you back is about How to rebuild the relationship. First of all it is important to be patient and rebuild your trust piece by piece. If you have to high hopes and may think that everything is going to be fine within a short amount of time then a minor issue could lead your relationship in the wrong direction again. There is no doubt that you will make it if both of you are clear on not to let the past have control over your relationship anymore. Be honest both to yourself and your partner about making a new start with an open mind and a open heart.

Wishing you the best

Going through a breakup can be an emotional battle. Life changes so quickly and dramatically that some people feel they could never be as happy as they once were. Not all breakups have to happen though.

Many people who have felt strongly enough for someone to give them another chance have successfully built back their relationship. With a newfound lack of trust you may find yourself skeptical of things getting any better. These guidelines to rebuilding relationships can help lead you down the right path.

The first thing every couple should consider when they get together is trust. I know, you have probably heard that a million times. People still manage to overlook the seriousness of this obviously necessary aspect. If you cannot build back a strong level of trust, you may never find yourself comfortable in the relationship. At the end of every day, you should be reflecting how strong your trust bond is.

“T Dub” Discovers His “Love Recipe”

Now that you have trust on your mind its time to start working out your patience muscle. You may have to push it further than it’s ever been but it will be completely worth it if you end up re-building a great relationship.

The road to recovery is going to be difficult and take a great while. Try to focus on minor improvements and see them as you moving closer to your goal.

You will also have to be patient with your partner. People don’t change completely overnight. If you had conflicting interests, then you will have to give each other an adequate period of time to adapt the right attitude.

Take your focus off of the person and put it on to the problem. Image yourself teaming up with your partner to achieve the ultimate goal: forming a lasting relationship.

One common issue that couples face when trying to mend their relationship is the return of old problems. Sometimes old arguments seem like they will never die.

Just when you thought you were over something it ends up firing right back up. To avoid this classic pitfall you need to be ready to find new ways of dealing with the issue.

Think about it, if you have had the same argument over five times, the way you are currently handling just won’t work. Stay open to options that you haven’t previously considered. You might have to do things you aren’t completely comfortable with at times but you will see yourself growing closer as a couple.

(Over 50,119 Customers In 77 Countries Have Used This Proven System!)

You better be ready to open up as well, because honesty is the mortar that holds all this stuff together. It plays a pivotal role in gaining trust. Building up patience also takes a lot of trust as well.

Having faith in your partner and yourself to make serious changes without falling apart is crucial. A heavy percentage of breakups happen because there wasn’t enough honesty to begin with.

Most importantly, be honest with yourself. Do you really want to give the relationship a shot? Are you both putting in the same amount of effort? Do you hide your issues until they overload into a huge fight?

You would be surprised to find out how easy it is to lie to yourself, since the brain tends to believe anything that makes it feel better. With an open mind, and open heart, and an optimistic attitude there is no reason you and your partner can’t fix what used to be broken.

The Secret you need to know to get your lover back! From the man that has helped over 50 000 people in 77 countries to get back together again!

3 Things You Should Tell Your Husband Often

I can really relate to one thing in todays article 3 Things You Should Tell Your Husband Often; that I am not much of a talker. I dont know if im wrong but i think that women generally speaks more then men do. That may cause troubles in the relation because communication is of great importance. I also think this article tips is essential for both men and women. We really have to give our partner signs of our love and commitment on a dalily basis to keep the love alive. 

Love and light

Your husband is probably not much of a talker. Most men aren’t. It’s the one common complaint women have about them. They don’t talk about how they feel. Sometimes, women take that to mean they have a different emotional depth than women do. The truth of the matter is that men do feel things. In some ways, men feel even more deeply than women who wear their emotions on their sleeves quite often.

Because they don’t talk about their feelings, though, women often feel like it’s a waste of breath to discuss how they feel about their husbands with their husbands. Unfortunately, their husbands need to hear these words of affirmation. These are three of the things your husband NEEDS to hear from you as often as possible.

1) How Much You Respect Him – Respect is important to your husband. He may never demand it. He’ll almost certainly never ask for it. But, it means a lot to him. Of all the people in the world, he wants your respect the most — and that’s something he may never even admit to himself. Let him know that you respect him and make sure you tell him WHY you respect him while you’re at it.

2) That You Still Find Him Attractive – No matter how many years you’ve been together he still needs hear that you still believe he’s the most handsome man on the planet. He needs to know that you only have eyes for him. Most importantly of all, he needs to feel like you mean it when you say these things.

3) How Much You Love the Way He Makes You Feel – Think about all the little things your husband does for you – to protect you, to make you happy, and to keep you safe. He’s trying to take care of you. He’s showing you how he feels by doing those things and this should make you FEEL cherished, loved, and even adored by him. Let him know that he does make you feel all these things and more.

Bonus – Actions speak louder than words any day of the week. Telling him how you feel is great. It will mean a lot to him. However, if you combine the telling of these things with actions that reinforce the message you’re trying to convey it will be much clearer for him. Acts can be touching him, rubbing his shoulders, scratching his back, making his favorite meal, or going out of your way to make the house look extra nice and tidy. Whatever it is that pleases him most – after all, you know him best.

You don’t have to buy expensive gifts to make your guy feel loved and appreciated by you. Simple gestures sometimes get the greatest mileage. But, when you tell your husband these things often, you’ll have a happier, healthier marriage in a home that’s filled with love and affection.

The Top 5 Mistakes people make when a crisis arises.

The “real” secrets to a healthy, stable, loving marriage.

How to assess the stage of your crisis (there are 8).

How to address any stage of a crisis and turn it around.

What to do, what to say, and what to avoid in order to save your marriage!

Why “hard work” on the relationship isn’t always the answer.

How marriage counseling can be dangerous to your marriage’s future.

Why “low mood therapy” is destined for failure and how “high mood relating” makes the difference.

How to move beyond emotions and take action!

How to find the North Star of your relationship, and why it matters.

Why true intimacy is a lot closer than you think–and how to get there!

What “the TIE Elements of Communication” are, and how they can transform your communication.

How to change the momentum of a relationship, sometimes instantaneously!

What the Practices of Marriage are, and how they can transform your relationship.

Why arguing is a waste of time — and the amazingly simple secret to get around it.

How to become a team, even if you feel like opposites.

Why power is so destructive to relationships and how to change it.

How to deal with problems involving sex or money.

Why anger and resentment are so dangerous, and what to do about it , regardless of whether you or your spouse is angry or resentful

How to make paradigm shifts (literally, quantum leaps!) in the relationship.

Much, much more about how to transform your relationship.

How to begin saving your marriage beginning in less than an hour, maybe in less than 10 minutes!

In short, how to have the marriage of your dreams .

The Myth of Marriage

The Myth of Marriage could be devastating if we believe in it to much. Naturally there are high expectations when we are committed to love each other forever no matter what happens. There may be good if we have had the chance to meet some challenges together prior to the marriage. Every relation has its ups and downs and we have all different ways to react. If we have been able to settle things in a good way and understand each other, it will increase the chanses for a happy marriage. Nobody´s perfect but through a lovers eye we are all divine in some way.

With Love

Part of the difficulty with marriage is that the only training we get is “on the job.” Rarely do you say to someone, “I want you to go work with those tools in there. Have fun, get the job done, and don’t kill yourself.” But, essentially, that is the start of a marriage. We have some rudimentary skills from relating to others, but the real knowledge and skills are hard-earned.

And the problem is, sometimes we learn lessons that are incorrect, or at least only partially true. These become the myths of our marriages. They are the stories we tell to ourselves in attempts to understand. Unfortunately, they are only partially right, at best. Often, they are totally wrong. Once we learn the stories, we refuse to give them up.

I’ve chosen 5 of the most common myths of marriage. You can decide if you tell yourself these stories, and if so, what you might be missing. Because, you see, the stories we tell ourselves determine how we act and what we assume. And that, ultimately, can either teach you to use the tools or allow you to injure yourself.

MYTH: “Marriage shouldn’t be this hard.” Lie this leads to: “If it is, maybe we shouldn’t be married.”

This is a powerful story about marriage. People assume that good marriages are easy, and there is no struggle. There is the romantic belief that good relationships “just work.” Science has yet to discover a perpetual energy machine, and I doubt relationships are any different.

This summer, I was at a beach that hosts the annual sea turtle nesting. The large mother sea turtle lumbers up the beach, just above the high-tide mark, right at the base of the sand dunes, digs a hole some 18 inches into the ground, and lays a large group of eggs. Those eggs are left to develop and hatch, usually a couple of months later.

Now, here’s the interesting thing: those tiny turtles (maybe 3 inches long) have to make the long trek from the nest to the sea. The long trek for the mother turtle is very long for the baby turtle. Some people have felt bad for the turtles in the past, and decided to help them to the surf.

By being picked up and carried to the surf, the “helpers” insured the death of the baby turtles. You see, that long trek to the sea builds the muscles in the flippers of the baby turtle. Those muscles are all that ensure the survival of the babies.

Some struggle (not too much) is necessary for developing the muscles of survival. It is true with relationships, and certainly true with marriage. When we struggle together, we develop the skills necessary to take on other struggles.

The real task is not to have a marriage that is easy. The real task is to learn how to allow the struggle to move you together, not push you apart. The statistics are pretty clear. Almost half of all marriages end in divorce. However, the hidden statistic is that 100% of marriages have difficulties. Staying married is not from a lack of difficulties, it is from using the difficulties to learn and develop.

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